Get In Touch!

STOP!!!!!!

FOR ALL YOUR QUESTIONS, PLEASE CONTACT THE PRODUCT MANUFACTURER DIRECTLY!!!!!!  

BECAUSE ALL ORDERS ARE CUSTOM-MADE ON DEMAND, ALL SALES ARE FINAL. THERE WILL BE NO RETURN, EXCHANGE, OR REFUND (INCLUDING FROM GIFT CARDS, SALES, DISCOUNTS, ETC.).

Contact Us (if you dare!)

We specialize in the extraordinary, funny, and crappy (just kidding)! If you have questions, comments, or just want to chat about our hilarious products on the internet, you've come to the right place. Don't hesitate to reach out because our team of certified craptologists (yes, that's a thing) is here to assist you.

Contact Info

Got a burning question or just want to share a wonderful laugh with us? Here's how to get in touch:

Email: customerservice@premiumcrap.com

Social Media: Follow us on X (Twitter), Youtube, Facebook, Instagram, etc. for daily doses of hilarity and sneak peeks at our newest, crappiest craps!

Visit Us in Person (Okay, maybe not)

While we'd love to invite you to our top-secret craptologist boot camp, it's, well, top secret. But hey, our online store is open 24/7, so you can shop from the comfort of your own toilet!

Our Guarantee

We guarantee you'll laugh, roll your eyes, or at least crack a smile when browsing our crappy selections. If you need assistance with an order, want to inquire about the absurd necessity of our crappy-product existence (spoiler: it might involve an upset stomach), or simply want to tell us a joke, we're all ears (not literally, of course).

Our Team

Our team of dysfunctional craptologists is a unique bunch. We're a mix of certified nincompoops, absurdity aficionados, and connoisseurs of crap. If you need assistance, don't hesitate to contact us. Just be prepared for a few puns and a hearty laugh along the way.

How to Reach Us

Contacting us is as easy as cow… pie (or as steamy as one). You can contact us during our hilariously vague office hours (because who needs structure, right?), or shoot us an email whenever inspiration strikes. If you prefer pigeon post or smoke signals, give it a try, and let us know how it goes.

Office Hours (Approximately and good luck with it)

Monday: Just Woke Up AM -- Whenever We Feel Like It PM
Tuesday: After a coffee break PM -- When We Wake Up from Our Nap AM
Wednesday: After a beer break AM -- Make a Wish (for no customer inquiry) PM
Thursday: While having lunch PM -- Time for a beer break…again (or a coffee) AM
Friday: While lifting weights AM -- Countdown to the Weekend
Saturday & Sunday: On a Quest for a Perfect office food fight

Remember, at Premium Crap.com, we take crap seriously. So, don't hesitate to drop us a line. We can't promise you'll get a sensible answer, but we can promise you a good time!

Disclaimer: No crap was harmed in the making of this contact page. Our crap is treated with the utmost respect and care, and we ensure it leads fulfilling lives as THE GOLD STANDARD OF CRAP!!